The Most Undesirable Human Being On The Planet

It is a scientifically-proven fact that I am the Most Undesirable Human Being On The Planet(TM). The trademark(TM) is to prevent anyone else from making the same claim.

Now most people, if they realized this fact was true about them, would cower under their bed in tears, probably for the rest of their lives. Luckily, for me, I'm not most people.

Most people, when they hear me say this, think I'm being down on myself. In actually, I'm being very arrogant. To demonstrate this, I offer the proof:

I honestly believe in my heart of hearts that I am a truly awesome individual with a ton of things going for him. I'm funny, intelligent, a hard worker, a good earner, talented, sensitive, loyal, empathic, and not horrible on the eyes. Every single unattached woman should be crawling over each other for the opportunity to go out with me. Yet I can't get a woman to go out with me if my life depended on it. Whatever causes women to not want to go out with me must be so powerful as to overcome all my fantastic qualities. Hence, I'm The Most Undesirable Human being On The Planet(TM).

I assure you that this arrogant attitude I have is kept totally internal, and I never intentionally make anyone feel inferior to me. So that's not the reason why I'm TMUHBOTP(TM).

So this begs the question: why is this true? The short answer is: while there are many theories around, no one knows for sure. I think all of them are a little true, and maybe combine in just the right way to make me TMUHBOTP(TM). Let me start with some of the obvious theories that are NOT true:

• • I'm overweight. There are many heavier people than me who have spouses/partners, so that's not it.

  • I'm old. I've been TMUHBOTP(TM) from a very early age, and there are people older than me who are with someone, and even got married at an age older than what I am now. So nope.

  • I don't want to get married. While this severely limits my choices, there are plenty of women who enter into relationships that won't turn into marriage.

  • I don't try. The least true of all the theories. I try very hard; harder than someone who's as awesome as I am should have to try. I definitely don't lie about myself, because I shouldn't have to make up things about me that aren't true when there are a ton of great things about me that are true. I'm not desperate (see below), so I don't try as hard as some other guys do, but I try. I used to try a LOT harder than I do now, until I became comfortable with the fact that I'm TMUHBOTP(TM).

Now we'll move on to some of the other theories that have some truth to them:

• • I'm too independent. I certainly don't NEED anyone else in my life, so the desire to find someone isn't as strong in me as it is in other people. I don't go on Internet dating sites, because most of those people want to get married, and I won't string someone along just so I can say I have a girlfriend. I enjoy a lot of freedom in my life, and I'm not looking to change that for any reason. I will not move from my fantastic house in Bay Ridge in order to move closer to someone, and I don't want to live with anyone (especially in my own house).

  • I'm too perfect. While this is nowhere near true, it is true that many people have that perception of me. Women like to think that it's very flattering to have a man change his ways for their sake (which is why jerks have all the luck with women), and women can't find anything to change in me. Those that do try to change me in certain ways (my first girlfriend, who was psychotic, tried to get me to be more into opera, and less into professional wrestling) learn very quickly that that just doesn't happen. While I ENJOY opera, I'm not giving up pro wrestling for it (see above). Some women have also expressed to me that they find me intimidating, and would doubt their own abilities to live up to my standards. I certainly don't want to be in a realtionship with anyone who doesn't have enough confidence in themselves to think that they can hang with me.

  • I have no "game". Very true. I even hate the word. Why does trying to establish a relationship have to involve "games"? I have no time for "games". I'm not gonna feed you a line. I'm not gonna tell you something that isn't true about me, or even brag about the finer points that ARE true about me. I want someone who sees the overall package, and likes it for what it is, and not because I market it right. Clothing is absolutely the single most unimportant thing in our society today to me, and shouldn't influence anyone's opinion about anyone else. Clothing serves two purposes: protection from the weather, and societal modesty.

So, to sum up, there have to be very powerful reasons why women overlook the golden opportunity to build a relationship with me, and I don't want to do anything to change anything that could potentially be one of those reasons, nor am I so bothered by this fact that I NEED to uncover the truth about what those reasons are.

It bothers me a lot that people get angry with me when I assert this. I attribute it to something in themselves, in that they don't want to be associated with TMUHBOTP(TM), maybe because that makes them feel as if they're somewhat undesirable themselves. What REALLY makes me angry are so-called "friends" who will angrily argue with me about how I'm NOT TMUHBOTP(TM), yet turn around behind my back and make FUN of me for being TMUHBOTP(TM). You can't have it both ways. My preference would be to continue to make fun of me, and stop arguing with me about this obvious fact. People who truly care about me will simply say: "Yeah, you're The Most Undesirable Human Being On The Planet(TM), but I love you anyway!!"